The fourth component of Nonviolent Communication teaches us to ask with clarity, empathy, and freedom — so that our needs and those of others can blossom together 🌸
Instead of saying what we don’t want, we clearly express what we do want to happen. Asking “Could you spend an afternoon with me?” creates more understanding than saying “Don’t work so much.”
Avoid vague phrases like “I want you to let me be myself.” Instead, ask for specific actions: “I’d like you to listen to me without interrupting.”
The message we say is not always the message the other person hears. We can ask: “Could you tell me in your own words what you heard?” This strengthens connection and prevents misunderstandings.
A request leaves space for the other’s freedom; a demand pressures. If someone says “no” and you can hear it with empathy, your request was truly a request.
The purpose of NVC is not to change others’ behavior but to build relationships grounded in honesty, empathy, and mutual respect.
“We ask to enrich life, not to obtain obedience.”
— Marshall Rosenberg